!!! --- NEWS FLASH --- !!! TWO QUASARS RETURN HOME !

Two quasars have acquired enough courage to return to the galaxy ! According to our sources at NRAO and JPL, GRS 1915+105 and GRO J1655-40 have checked themselves into the Betty Ford Cosmological Quasar Rehabilitation Clinic. Although these two quasars had received a lot of negative tabloid coverage recently, they are in high spirits and have even been caught beaming with new found pride from their very core to the tips of their lobes.

Experts tell us the quasars are well on the road to recovery into fully productive law abiding stellar citizens. Many other quasars have also followed in their footsteps but they expressed the wish to remain anonymous, for fear of retribution by outraged members of the notorious 'Big Bang Gang' and other extremist factions such a the 'Cosmological Black Holes'. It has been rumored that the quasars had been paying protection money to this gang of theoretical opportunists, which have also been suspected of operating their subtle protection money racket at some of the larger telescope facilities. Unfortunately their stranglehold still persists and has choked off quasar defections to a trickle.

However, for those quasars that have fully recovered, Astronomers have grudgingly accepted them in their backyard, but are still not quite sure how far they are. The painful period of re-adjustment to Einsteinian law and civilized stellar behavior will take some time yet; sooner or later they will eventually 'fit' right in with the rest of the hot stars, to the delight of stellar astronomers. The quasar's twin brother : the central star of planetary nebula, having remained at home did not get the same resources that where uselessly squandered by his siblings. Yet in time, he too will forgive.

Some of the plasma laser stars that have kicked the habit and returned home are still afflicted by minor substance abuse such as heavy smoking : Many have often been caught in the act of ejecting scandalous amounts of pollution into their immediate surroundings.

One of the major environmental impacts on the fragile interstellar ecosystem is second hand smoke which forms cancerous dark nebula infamous for their pathological ability to sporadically spawn malignant stellar tumours.

In order to hide these violations, some laser stars have used the camouflage strategy : They surround themselves with huge amounts of pollution in order to hide their optical emissions from agents of the galactic environmental police. However this scheme has become less effective because law enforcement agents have recently become aware of the ploy and are using other radiation wavelengths to catch offenders.

In a blatant effort to provoke the environmental police, some plasma laser stars are catapulting their stellar waste products into their neighbors cosmic backyards leaving them to suffer the ill-effects of second hand smoke. The offenders puff their smoke into highly collimated jets, which travel a long distance before dumping their load of pollution, thus leaving the immediate surroundings relatively free from pollution.


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